Dementia Care: A Family Guide

Dementia is not a single disease — it's an umbrella term for a group of conditions that affect memory, thinking, language, judgement and behaviour. Alzheimer's disease is the most common cause, but there are many others: vascular dementia, Lewy body, frontotemporal and mixed forms.

What matters for families is this: dementia is progressive, but it is not a straight line. There will be good days and hard days. Your loved one is still in there.

• Short-term memory loss — repeating questions or forgetting recent events
• Word-finding difficulty and following complex conversation
• Getting lost in familiar places, or losing track of time
• Trouble with planning, decision-making and daily tasks
• Personality shifts — new anxiety, suspicion, or emotional intensity
• Sleep changes and 'sundowning' (afternoon or evening restlessness)

If you notice several of these, please speak to a GP. A proper diagnosis opens the door to the right support.

How you speak to someone with dementia can dramatically change their day. The goal is to reduce confusion and preserve connection.

• Speak slowly, calmly and one idea at a time
• Use their name, and make eye contact before starting
• Ask yes/no questions rather than open ones
• Avoid quizzing them — never say 'do you remember…?'
• Enter their reality — if they ask for their long-passed mother, don't correct, redirect gently
• Match their emotion, not their facts — comfort the feeling, not the story

Routine is medicine in dementia care. When the world feels increasingly unfamiliar, predictable days offer safety.

• Keep meals, medication, walks and bedtime at the same times each day
• Do the more demanding activities in the morning when energy is highest
• Build small rituals — morning tea in the same chair, an afternoon song
• Reduce noise, clutter and background stimulation, especially at mealtimes

Behaviours that seem difficult are almost always communication — of pain, confusion, hunger, fear or overstimulation. Ask what the behaviour might be trying to say.

• For agitation: reduce stimulation, offer a familiar object, use a calm voice
• For repetition: answer once with warmth, then gently redirect to an activity
• For refusal of care: try again in 15 minutes, or change who is offering
• For sundowning: dim lights early, close curtains, play soft familiar music

A dementia-friendly home reduces incidents and preserves independence longer.

• Simplify: fewer objects, clearer surfaces, labelled cupboards
• Nightlights along the route from bed to bathroom
• Stove alarms or automatic shut-offs for the kitchen
• Locks or alarms on external doors if wandering is a risk
• Remove or secure medications, cleaning products and matches

Dementia caregiving is a marathon, not a sprint. Grief lives alongside love — grief for the person who is changing, even while you still have them.

• Give yourself permission to feel sad, tired, angry and grateful all at once
• Find a support group — online or in person — where you don't have to explain
• Accept every offer of help; ask for help before you're desperate
• Take real breaks with respite care so you can come back present

There is no medal for doing this alone. Consider professional dementia care when personal care becomes too physical, when nights are broken, when you're afraid to leave them alone, or simply when your own health is starting to suffer. A trained dementia caregiver is not a replacement for your love — they are the reason your love can keep showing up.